Followers of Emotions
by Ice-Ari
Summary: A trilogy with three alternative endings. Trowa and Heero got together after Heero's infamous self-dstruction. However, during the time when Trowa lost his memory, he hooked up with Quatre. So what will happen when Trowa regained his memories? Yaoi.
1. Part 1: Pain

STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters or the mechanics mentioned.

Hi, this is the first part of my **'Followers of Emotions'** trilogy, that I wrote many years ago. I hope that you'll enjoy reading it.

Pairings: 1x3, 4x3 (Yaoi)

**Pain **

I woke in up in a daze...I...I'm still alive...But where am I...

I turned my head slightly to my left...ouch.... I winced mentally, only mentally, but not physically. Even, such a small movement was enough to send endless tremors of pain running through my aching body.

It hurts badly, really badly, and I no matter how much I'm trained to be the perfect soldier, the perfect killing machine, I am still human. As a human, I too, like anybody else will feel the pain feeding away at my body; killing off my senses...but unlike others, my face was a mask. I show no visible sign of pain, no visible sign of distress, for I'm used to pain, pain has always been with me. Its part of my life...no...its more than that. Its part of me. No longer will I feel hurt easily; I'm numb, desensitized to pain, since a young age. Pain had long ago eaten up my heart, my emotions, my soul. Numbing me from inside out.

As my vision cleared, I saw a person...no...a girl...a young lady to be precise, sitting with her back against me in the far corner...

I craned my neck for a better view...Relena?

I shifted myself slightly, and tried to sit up...but I was feeling so exhausted, alienated exhaustion. It has been a very long time since I last felt this tired. I allowed my body to drop back to bed, causing the bed to make a crackling sound.

The girl stood up, turned around and walked out from the shade, over to my side...

"Hi! I'm Catherine. Glad to see that you've finally decided to wake up," she said in a bright, cheery voice, before turning towards the door, leading to this tiny, dark bedroom, and called out, "Trowa! Trowa! Your friend has awaken!"

Trowa... Who is Trowa? I don't remembered knowing anyone named Trowa.

At that moment the door swung opened...and in walked a boy of dazzling beauty. He seemed so lovely, like an angel, with the light that shines through the door outlining him, emphasizing his physical beauty...

The boy moved closer, coming to my side...his movement was silent, yet full of grace...I was never ever so attracted to anybody, as I was to him.

He stared at me silently, with his one visible emerald-green eye...his eye seemed depthless, seemed so mysterious, yet so lovely, like the boy. Every part of him was filled with mystifying beauty...

A cheerful-sounding female voice broke my thoughts mid-way.

"Well...it had been so long, since you have last eaten. Guess you must be really hungry. I'll go make some food for you," Catherine said as she turned to go.

I stared back at the boy silently for some time, before asking, in my usual monotone, "Where are we? How long have I been here."

"We're at the circus where I hide, and you have finally woken up after one whole month," the boy replied. His voice was surprisingly emotionless, like mine. I never thought that I'll meet anyone who concealed his emotions as well as me...but yet his voice seemed so familiar...Yes! He's one of the Gundam pilots...If I'm not wrong, he should be the pilot of MS3, Gundam Heavyarms...

"One month," I said with a slight tinge of surprise, rare surprise.

Trowa nodded and continued, in his quiet voice, "To the world and to 'OZ', you're already dead."

He then walked towards the window, and drew back the curtains, letting in rays of sunlight and stared out of the window. After a while, he turned back to face me, and said, "Maybe...maybe we should all learn from you and killed ourselves."

It's weird, really weird... It's been such a long time since I last experienced such intense feeling. His words cut right through my heart and caused a sudden flow of panic, of worry, of pain...it's been so long since my heart actually felt hurt, like now. Why? But, my face as usual remained blank, and said in a casual tone of voice,"Then, I've only one warning for you, dying hurts like hell."

Trowa stared back at me for a moment and then, all of a sudden, he burst out laughing...

His laughter was crystal clear...it's been such a long time since I heard such a lovely sound. The wondrous music of his voice pulled at my heartstring and caused me to do something really unexpected, I started laughing. It was a real, sincere laughter, unlike my eerie-sounding laughter, that I normally gave before I killed or destroyed...

At that moment, Catherine came in the room, with a bowl of soup in her hand. She looked at Trowa and then at me and back at Trowa in amazement and said happily, "It's really unbelievable. I really wonder, what could actually make our stoic clown laugh?"

"..." Both of us just stared back at her blankly.

She looked at us and sighed, "I must be imagining things, if you two would actually be laughing."

Catherine then walked over to Trowa and handed him the bowl of soup.

Before leaving, she looked at me, shook her head and said, "I thought Trowa is an extreme rare case, so expressionless and quiet. But now...but now...from nowhere he brought home a friend, just like him. Is this what people mean, when they said birds of the same feathers flocked together? You two are still young, and should be livelier and happier. And Trowa? Do laugh more often. If what I hear just now, was your laughter, all I can say is that it was beautiful." She shook her head sadly, as she walked out.

It's funny, but her concern...her concern that was directed towards Trowa actually made me feel angry...no...no...its jealousy. Jealousy? Why should I feel jealous?

After she left the room, Trowa pulled a chair to my bedside; he then put the bowl of soup on the bedside table and propped me up with the help of a pillow.

"You're going to feed me?" I asked.

"..." He just stared back blankly for a moment, before he shoved a spoonful of soup into my mouth, allowing his action to speak for him.

Normally, I would get very angry, if anyone tried to do this. After all, I'm always an individual worker. I remembered the time, after Duo had rescued me out from the hospital, I had insisted on fixing my broken leg by myself. But...but now, oddly, I wanted Trowa to feed me...I wanted him to be near me...Am I in love? Is this what one called love at first sight? No! It's not that...it's just that I can sense a bond linking him to me, a bond of pain, of terrible pain from the past...He too, I guess...no...I know, I can sense it clearly. He, like me, must have had been hurt horribly in the past, causing him to be like me, to be numbed from pain...to shut off from the outside world...

After Trowa had finished stuffing me with soup, he put down the now empty bowl and eyed me.

"What?" I asked.

"Bathe,' was all he said. He was like me, a man with few words.

Trowa walked out of the trailer for some time, before coming in with a tub of water, a towel and some clean bandage in his hands.

"You do this always...for me?" I inquired.

"..." He just nodded.

"Why?" I questioned.

He put down the tub of water on the chair, which he sat on just now, and dropped the towel into the tub. Following that, he placed the cleaned bandages on the bedside table and then helped me get undressed.

"Why?" I asked once again. My voice sounded strangely insistent this time.

He swept his long unusual bangs of his eyes casually and said in a calm tone, with a slight touch of hidden humor, "I can't let you stink up my bed. Imagine allowing someone who didn't wash up at all to sleep on your bed for one month."

"Where have you been sleeping?" I asked with a sudden pang of guilt.

He pointed casually at the floor.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

All of the sudden, I lost total control of myself. I stretched out my hand and pulled at Trowa suddenly, causing him to loose balance and crashed down on my bed. I rolled over him, trapping him down below me.

He stared up at me and asked coolly, "What did you do that for?"

"..." I was speechless. Why did I do it? "I...I don't know..."

He looked up at me, and before I know it, his hand was behind my head, guiding me down to his waiting lips, eating off my words with his kiss...It felt so good...

Suddenly, I felt something soft and wet teasing at my lips...Trowa's tongue. I opened my mouth and allowed it to plunder my mouth, to spur with my tongue...

Finally, when Trowa broke away, we'll both gasping for air.

"Is this what you want?" Trowa asked.

"No, I want more," I said hungrily, hungry for Trowa, as I leaned down and shower his neck with kisses.

"You, sure you're up to it," Trowa mumbled as he tighten his hands around my waist.

I lifted my head up and stared down at him, and laughed slightly, "You want this too, don't you?"

Trowa blushes slightly. He looked even more beautiful...more tempting...when he blushed.

"Let's be fair," I said with a grin, as I caressed his cheek tenderly, "Since you've helped me to undress, now it's my turn to return the favor and help you be rid off your clothes too."

I reached down and help pull off Trowa's figure-hugging turtleneck. He looked so wonderfully lovely without his top on. I bent down and traced his sinfully-sweet body with my frenzy kisses and my roving hands... teasing him... tempting him... luring him into a lovers' dance. A dance that exclude all others and left the two of us burning in scorching fire... fire so hot that it melt our two separate souls and fused them together as one. Bringing out tiny gasping and moaning sounds from Trowa. Sounds that were music to my ears; Sounds that set me on fire.

I snuggled closer to him, feeling his body heat and still sweaty skin slicked against mine.

"I love you, Trowa," I whispered in his ear.

"Me too, except ..."

"What?"

"Except, up to now... I still don't have a name to call you by."

"Heero. Just called me Heero Yuy."

"Yes, Heero," Trowa whispered back as he pulled me into a tighter embrace, "I love you too."

And for once, I find myself truly content and at peace (even though I know that this moment wouldn't last, not with the still on-going war)... but at least... I've found my strength to stand up and face the world again... to face all the bloodshed that I've caused... to face my heavy guilt. I've the courage now to go forth and redeem myself, because like ivy I've found myself a wall. A strong and steady wall that had hauled me back up to my feet when I'm down; a quiet support freely-given... the type of support that I never had expected to ever receive in life...

With this encouraging thought in mind (and an enchanting wingless angel to call my own) I found myself giving in to the lure of restful sleep.

- **Pain (End)** -

(To be continued in '**Sorrow**')

Special thanks to Tracy for correcting my work. (Also to Trowa and Michi who volunteered to correct my work.)


	2. Part 2: Sorrow

**YaoiCyberCat: **Thank you very much for your kind review. I'm glad to hear that you've enjoyed the plot so far. I hope that you'll like "Sorrow" too.

**Trowa's Tenshi: **A big thank you for reading most of my fics and for reviewing this one. (laugh) Well, here's the 2nd part to this little series of mine.

**Ganki: **Wow… my fic actually got added to your fave. list?! I'm so touched… (sobs, sobs) Thanks a lot. Well, I do hope that you'll find this chapter juicier.

This is the second part of the trilogy: "**FOLLOWERS OF EMOTIONS"**

STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES: I do not own any of the characters or mobile suits of Gundam Wing. I'm just using them for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me for it.

**WARNING**: mild yaoi, angst, massive spoiler to certain scenes of the 49 episode series (though I might place them in slightly jumble up order.) 43 and 13

**IMPORTANT (Please note):** There will be a choice of three alternative 3rd parts to this trilogy. They are "Grief", "Anguish" and "Woe". (All three are continuations from "Pain" and "Sorrow", but they are three entirely separated fics that are totally unrelated to one another, so you get to choose whichever ending you think you'll prefer to read. See bottom of this page for greater details on each of the choice.)

* * *

**SORROW (Sequel to "Pain")**

(Special thanks to Neesan Tracy for editing my work.)

--Trowa's POV--

I was lost, totally lost. I was wandering about like a drifting cloud, following the direction of the wind, aimlessly.

I had no memory. I couldn't remember a thing, not even my own name... until the day I was found and picked up by my sister, Catherine, did I know that I was called Trowa...

"Trowa," a sweet, melodic voice interrupted my thoughts.

I turned around, and found my golden-hair angel standing behind me, smiling.

His smile was gorgeous, warming up every single corners of my heart, filling me with joy, with happiness. Giving me a newfound direction in life.

"Yes, Quatre?" I questioned softly.

Quatre walked over to my side, placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and said, "Trowa, you seem distracted, are you feeling well?"

Quatre's voice was filled with deep-rooted concern. He was concern for me, like always. The weird thing, was that Quatre always apologized for hurting me, claiming to be guilty for my lost of memory... but...but how was it possible for a person...a person as kind, as sweet, as gentle as Quatre was...how could somebody like him, hurt anybody?

I never could comprehend this, but it was alright, for I wouldn't blame him even if what he said was true. After all, how could I be so heartless to blame him, since it was he who took care of me, all these days, during our stay in Peacemillion? Even if he really did hurt me, I was sure it was unintentional.

"Don't worry," I said in my quiet voice.

His eyebrows were still creased; his eyes were still wide, with crystal clear sparkles of concern, of love shinning from them. Through his expression, I could sense that his worry was still intact.

I leaned down, closer, towards him and gave him a hug, and planted a dry peck in the middle of his forehead.

I looked into his lovely blue eyes and said, "Please, don't worry. I was just thinking..."

"No!" Quatre interrupted, "Don't think so hard. Please don't push yourself too much...Its all my fault."

"Quatre..."

I was touched; overwhelmed by Quatre's kindness and concern that was directed towards me.

"Please don't break my heart," Quatre said in a barely audible voice, as he placed both hands in front of his chest, as if he was protecting his shattering heart, holding them together in place.

I was stunned by Quatre's word, did...did he mean that he...he love...love me, did he?

"I...I love...love you, Trowa," Quatre added hesitantly, with his eyes downcast, away from my glance.

I closed up the gap between us. Following that, I placed my hand under his chin and tilted it up gently. Lifting his head up, so that both our eyes met, green and blue merged into one...

"Me too."

"Huh?"

"I...I love you, too."

"Really?"

I nodded.

"You...You're not angry with me?"

"Why should I?"

"But...but...I hurt you."

Tears started rolling off Quatre's eyes, flowing down his cheeks.

I raised my hand, and brushed away his tears, and said tenderly, "Please don't cry, my dear. Please don't cry."

Quatre leaned forth, into my arms and said sadly, in-between outflows of tears, "I'll never be able to forgive myself for what happened. I...I actually shot...shot you. I...I blasted you with the twin blaster...I almost...almost killed...killed you."

"But, you didn't. I'm still alive, so don't blame yourself anymore."

"But...but...your memory..."

"It's alright, Quatre. What past its past, don't keep brooding about it."

"But still..."

I knew that as long as I'm still suffering from amnesia, Quatre would never be able to forgive himself, so I decided that I should just change the topic, instead of trying to disperse his guilt.

"Quatre, why did you find me for?" I interrupted in a neutral voice.

"Oh yeah! Dinner's ready."

"Wonderful! I'm feeling kind of hungry," I said as I patted my tummy.

We went off hand in hand towards the dinning-hall of Peacemillion.

---------

--Heero's POV--

I missed him...I missed him badly...very badly...

But, I was unlike others, I was not expressive. I didn't know much about feelings, about matters of the hearts. I wasn't used to emotions...I couldn't allow my feelings to show. I had to wear a mask... a perfect soldier should not feel love, yet I knew I loved him...and it had caused me much pain...It had been so long since I last felt this hurt...this sad...

I guess most people would feel that I was a heartless, cold being, someone who was totally devoid of all emotions.

Yes! I was near perfect, but not perfect. I'm not really what others thought me to be...a perfect soldier.

I too had feelings; I too yearned for love, though I would not and could not show them...emotions are hindrance in war.

I felt that most people, maybe even including my comrades, would blame me for leaving him...allowing him to be lost in space...letting him die...alone...and instead of saving him, rushed at Quatre and tried to kill him

But, could anyone really understand my actions, comprehended my thoughts? No!

Did anyone know my fear...did anyone bothered to find out why I didn't try to save him? No!

They all just dismissed it as me being cold and emotionless, me being a practical person, and that I had rushed to attack Quatre first, as he was a threat, a danger to me, to the colony. Yeah, it was true, I was worried that Quatre would do more damage to the space colony, but that wasn't all.

In fact, I rushed at him, because of anger, of sadness, of worry. I wasn't used to feelings and the sudden outflow of them caused me much confusion. I was feeling so confused at the moment...I needed something to vent out my feelings on...

I was...was scared. Yes, I was. I actually felt fear and worry at that time...I was frightened that I would lose him...I would lose something that meant so much, too much to me...

It was not that I didn't want to save him...I would have saved any of my comrades in a situation like that...but...but I didn't have the courage, I didn't dare rush forth towards his mobile suit when it exploded.

I was fearful, frightened that I would find him dead...

But no one had ever really understood me, or bothered to even try. Maybe...maybe except...him...he was...was so giving...he knew that behind my silence, my mask, my seemly perfection that I too yearned and needed attention.

He was always so subtle in his words and actions, but if one noticed it properly, one could see his deep-rooted concern, kindness and love behind them.

His past too was like mine, too full of pain and darkness for him to really show his concern clearly, for him to express his love...but I could sense it...

I loved him too...but...but I would never have a chance to tell him...never...

---------

--Trowa's POV--

"Hallo, Duo," both Quatre and I called out to our highly cheerful and seemly happy-go-lucky friend.

"Hiya guys!" Duo said merrily as he literally bounced up from his seat at the dinning table, towards us, "I'm starving! What take you two soooo long?"

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Duo," Quatre apologizes politely.

"Sorry," I said simply.

"Hey! You haven't answered my question yet. What keep you all soooo long?"

"We were talking," Quatre answered sweetly, "Sorry about it."

"Just talking?" Duo questioned with a tinge of mischief in his voice.

"What?" I asked.

"You sure you two didn't kiss, or hug, or hmmm...go even further then that...like sex maybe?"

Duo replied with a silly grin wiped across his face.

"Duo!" I called out in surprise.

While, Quatre immediately turned red. I couldn't help staring at him; Quatre really looked so cute when he blushed.

Sometimes, I really couldn't believe that Duo could be a Gundam pilot, he always seemed so cheerful, so excited, especially when we had to fight. He seemed to take battles as games. Weird!

I never could really comprehend his behavior. But with my current state of mind, I could hardly understand anything, especially human thoughts and actions, including my own.

"Hallo, see that all of you're here, already. I'll send for the food," a sweet sounding, feminine voice penetrated my thoughts.

I looked up...Noin.

"Hallo," Quatre and Duo called out. I gave her a silent nod. For some reason...I didn't seem to enjoy talking much...I wondered why...

---------

--Heero's POV--

I saw an army carrier-craft approaching my direction, I raised the twin blaster of Wing Zero and aimed at it.

"Wait a minute, Heero! I've something important to give you!"

A familiar feminine voice sounded through the communicator of my Gundam.

I strained my eyes and recognized the speaker to be Sally Po, a rebel to OZ.

"What?" I questioned in my monotone.

"Please alight from your Gundam for a moment, I've something very important for you to bring back to space."

I jumped down from Wing Zero and waited.

She immediately ordered her men to unload a mobile suit carrier with a mobile suit that was covered by canvas sheets on it.

Then she, together with her men, removed the canvas sheets...Gundam Heavyarms...his...his mobile suite...

"Where's Trowa?" I questioned.

She didn't answer my question directly, instead asked, "Would you be willing to come with me. I need to transport this into space. Noin had contacted me and said that all the other Gundam pilots besides you and Wufei are already gathered at Peacemillion."

So...so he...he wasn't dead...I needed to go to Peacemillion...I needed to see him myself, to confirm this matter.

---------

--Trowa's POV--

Everything went on fine...at least until the arrival of the two other Gundam pilots, Wufei and Heero.

Wufei was pretty quiet, and seemly quite anti-social. He hardly talked to us, except talks regarding battles' situations and plans. He seemed so serious, and cared about nothing but work. I often wondered whether he did anything else, besides practicing his sword and resting during his free time.  
But, I soon found out that he was a really good chess player, during a game between Duo and I. Duo got sort of stuck halfway through, and he helped Duo. Guess one could never judge a book by its cover.

Though Wufei seemed pretty weird, he was alright still.

The problem, or at least my problem lied with Heero...

It was something beyond explanation...I...I had this odd but intense feeling that I knew him.

Before he arrived, I was sure of my feelings for Quatre...but...but when he appeared, I...I felt so confused...

I even had wet dreams about him, about Heero and me...the dreams kept repeating night after night, they weren't like normal dreams...they seemed so real...almost like I could actually feel him...feel him in me...

---------

--Heero's POV--

I wanted to rush forth and hug him and shower him with kisses, when I first arrived at Peacemillion. I badly wanted to hold him in my arms again, to protect him, to care for him.

But that was no longer my job. It was Quatre's now.

It filled me with pain, with sorrow to see him hugging, touching, kissing my Trowa...no, Trowa was no longer mine.

But...but...at least he was still alive...

I badly wanted to snatch Trowa away from Quatre, to win back his love. But, I knew that it wasn't right. After all it was Quatre who took care of him, when he most needed it. Where was I? Besides, Quatre had everything - wealth, look and character...It was just not right for me to stand in their way.

I had told myself, that even if Trowa regained his memory and remembered me, I would still let them be together. They were meant to be together.

Quatre's purity and innocence would wash away Trowa's pain and sorrow of his past... I could trust Quatre to take care of Trowa...care for him, give him love, much more than what I could ever offer. For my heart and soul was damaged too badly for it to heal properly...it would take forever...for them to heal...

Besides, I didn't wish to see Trowa got hurt again...ever...

---------

--Trowa's POV--

I saw Catherine on screen; she was in danger...I had to save her...my wonderful sister.

I rushed out in Wing Zero, as the mechanics had not yet completed the upgrading of my Heavyarms, so it was still unsuitable for space battles.

Somehow...I began to lose control of myself...I wanted to kill...to destroy...

I started shooting madly, destroying everything insight. I was about to destroy an entire space colony when...when I heard the voice of my angle calling out for me to stop.

"Trowa, stop! Don't do this. I'm sure you're stronger than this. You once stop me from destroy an entire colony. You once saved my soul. Please Trowa...please stop," Quatre was literally begging me.

I...I felt so confused, so messed up...I hold my throbbing head with both my hands...

Slowly, my memory started flowing back...I could remember everything and everyone...I was awakened.

---------

--Trowa's POV--

Upon returning to Peacemillion, I was still feeling weary from my ordeal in Wing Zero, so I went straight to my room to rest, but I couldn't sleep. The thought of Heero kept bugging me...

I could now remember clearly, my intimate relationship with Heero in the past...those dreams I had of him...weren't dreams, but memories. They were real.

I needed to find him, to confront him about this matter...I needed and wanted to know his feelings for me...

Quatre...the thought of my golden-hair angel intruded suddenly.

I felt so confused. How? What was I to do?

I needed to talk to Heero; I needed to get things straightened out...now...

---------

--Heero's POV--

Trowa...from what the others said, he had regained his memory...

Would he still want me? Would he still love me?

No! I mustn't be selfish; I must let him go. I would not be able to provide him with enough love and attention. I knew I love him totally in my heart, and would always continued to love him inside, but...but I just couldn't express it, properly. I would never be able to show him the true depth of my love. I just didn't know how to do such things, to express, to show. I was never trained to feel.

Besides I was assigned to live and die for the war. I couldn't even guarantee my own safety, how could I take care of him?

I must let him go...he deserved happiness, and I'll let him go...

---------

--Trowa's POV--

I entered Heero's room. He was sitting in the middle of his bed, seemingly immersed in his thoughts. I hesitated for a while.

Was I to enter now? Would I be intruding in his privacy?

But...but I badly needed to talk with him...to clear up my confuse state of mind...

"Heero..."I called out softly.

He looked up...

---------

--Heero's POV--

A voice, a beautiful, quiet voice entered my mind...I looked up...

Trowa. He had came at last. I could feel my heartbeat quicken at the sight of my desire, but my face remained blank, my mask was fully intact.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a perfect monotone, masking of the sea of emotions, that I was drowning in.

"Heero...Heero...I can remember everything, now," he replied in his beautiful, quiet voice.

"So?" I asked in an emotionless voice, acting as if whatever happened to him, was of total unconcern to me.

"Heero. Do...do...what do you think of me?" He asked hesitantly. It was unlike Trowa to be so hesitant, unless it had to do with expressing his feelings openly.

I knew what he wanted to know; he wanted to know whether I had loved him. Yes, but this was an unspoken answer that was meant only to be kept locked up inside my heart...forever...

"You wanted to know my feelings for you?" I questioned neutrally.

"..." He stared back at me, then blushed slightly, very slightly, but even this extreme slight blush of his, was enough to set me on fire...but I somehow managed to kept myself in control.

"Trowa, I had never loved you, nor cared about you. Not now, not then, not ever," I replied coldly, "You were just a toy to me, a form of relaxation that I had needed, due to the intense stress of the war."

---------

--Trowa's POV--

Heero's words were like thunder to my ears. My hands automatically were up at my ears, blocking them, covering them from more of these insults. My legs weakened and I found myself sinking to the ground.

I regret coming here...I had thought...had thought that he had cared at least a little about me. I knew that it was quite impossible for him to really love me, since there were people like Relena and Duo hovering around him most of the time. Why would he ever love me...but I...I thought that he would at least care for me as a friend...but...but he...

---------

--Heero's POV--

Trowa was visibly upset, the mask that he normally wear, was crumbled and had split up into millions of pieces. Lovely threads of teardrops started flowing down from the sea of green, in endless streams...It filled me with pain to see him cry. I felt like I was drowning...drowning in a sea of sorrow...

I felt like running towards him, scooping him up and holding him tight, telling him that all I had just said was a lie and that I loved him, but...but I forced myself to remain cool, to act as if I didn't are.

It was better for him to felt the temporary sadness now, then, to suffer with me...I must let him go. But...but maybe...maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh, I should have reject him in softer words...

But would it work? Would he have believed?

---------

--Trowa's POV--

I felt so betrayed...so used...

I thought he was my friend, I thought he would at least care a little for me...but...but he...he was just like those men...those mercenaries, who...who raped me...he was just like them.

He had only wanted my body and nothing else...

Suddenly, I felt my hurt diminished, and my anger was increasing by the minute. I had to make a move quick, I didn't want to explode before him, to make a fool of myself...I was a fool to have trusted him in the first place.

I calmed myself down...my facial mask was back in place, though my heart still hurt like hell...I never had felt so tormented in my life, at least with those men, I had never thought them as my friends. Besides, they were the ones who forced themselves on me. But...but with Heero, it was different, I actually allowed him to touch me, to use me willingly.

I stood up, with my mask in place once again, shading of all my emotions. He looked kind of surprised, at the speed of my recovery. I stared at him expressionlessly for a moment and then said coldly, "Sorry to have intruded in your privacy. I'll never ever bother you again."

I turned and left immediately after finishing speaking, carrying with me my badly wounded heart, and my abused pride...

---------

--Heero's POV--

Goodbye, Trowa. Goodbye, my love...

He had walked out of my life, forever...

I knew that I would never get him back, never again would I be able to hold him in my arms...to kiss him...never again would I have a chance to express my deep-felt love for him, never again...

Goodbye my love...

END

* * *

Additional notes: Well, so what are the available choices? 

Some suggestions (grins):

1.) If you want a 4x3 ending then don't bother to read any of the 3rd parts. And just stop at "Sorrow".

2.) "Grief": 1x3. (A come back full circle fic.) (Personally, I think this fic has the least angst of the three.)

3.)"Anguish": This is the superbly sad ending. Major angst ahead with this choice. Please don't read this, if you hate reading a death-fic. (At the time when I wrote this fic, I was feeling sick and really lousy, so I was in a totally angsty mood... and my sadistic streak was at its peak... so well...)

4.)"Woe": 4x1x3. (But, it is not at all a happy-family-everything-is-wonderful kind of threesome fic. Well... just look at the title and you will know. Angst ahead (but well, at least there is no death in this one).

5.) (laugh) Or you can just read all 3 versions of the 3rd part.

And just for curiosity sake, (and if you're willing to review), can you kindly please tell me which choice you have chosen or (if you have read all three versions), which you prefer. Thank you.

(Well, (laugh) but you do have to wait for me to post them first, before you can even get to read them.)

I'll only post them after all three options are completed. So, far "Anguish" since it is written in the past is the only completed one. Currently, I also have a very rough hand-written draft done for "Woe". I will start typing and fine-tuning it as soon ASAP. (I'll see how it goes... I'm still in my exam period after all... )

Hee! I hope I've not confused anyone with my confusing notes on a rather confusing trilogy-style. (I'm sorry for crapping so much... but well, I just came back from sitting an exam, so I'm still suffering from post-exam trauma...)


	3. Part 3, Version 1: Grief

**Hi, this is the first of the three (unrelated) alternative sequels to 'Sorrow'. **

**This is the happiest (but shortest) of the three versions, and it is also the ending with the closest timeline to the actual GW / Endless Waltz series.**

**Ganki:** Thank you for loving this fic so far. Yes, I do want dear Hee-bear to be happy too, most of the time at least (laugh). Sometimes though, I just so love to torture him and Trowa (maniacal laughter) and that coz I love them the most. (major sweatdrop) Well anyway, I do hope that you will enjoy (Grief) the ending of your choice.

**YaoiCyberCat:** Thanks you for your encouraging review. Err... why do I end 'Sorrow' in that manner? (grins) Because I'm evil and I so love g-boys torture and angst, it's just so make my day... Mwahahaha!! And, I'm really sorry, but I don't write 5x3 (because I'm just not use to writing that pairing, and so they will probably turn out to be way too OOC for my liking.) But well, for your sake, I did add in a short little sweet Wufei and Trowa friendship moment at the start of 'Woe'.

**Trowa's Tenshi** (laugh) Err yes, poor Heero.... (evil glint in eyes). And most definitely, the boys are way to hot for their own good... If they won't so cool, I probably would have torture them less, but too bad since I like them so much, they'll just have to suffer in my hands (sinister grins). BTW, thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I hope you'll enjoy reading these endings (or at least one of them...)

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STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED: I do not own Gundam Wing.

Title: **Grief** (Sequel to "Sorrow")

Date written: 09112004 (Tuesday)

Language: British English

Warnings: 1x3, 4x3 (at the start), yaoi, presence of some mild spoilers for 'Endless Waltz' (I try to skip through mentioning too much of it).

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(TROWA's POV)

After the Eve War had finally reached its closure, four out of five of us (the ex-Gundam pilots) had agreed to destroy our Gundams in welcome of the newly discovered peace.

By biding farewell to my Gundam, the representation of my old life... and by sending it off on its one-way voyage to merge with the blazing ball of fire far off in the horizon, I was not just severing my old connections to the war... but to me, I was also cutting myself off from all the things that were tied up with it... such as my love for Heero... The love that was found and lost with the war...

It is time for me to move on... and start on anew with Quatre. Even after I had confessed to Quatre about my attraction for Heero and how Heero had scornfully rejected my love and had completely shattered my heart, Quatre did not spurned me, instead he had kindly opened up his arms and welcomed me back within the shelter of his heart. Furthermore, straight after the war had ended, Quatre had sought me out and had sweetly asked me to return together with him to his estate at L4.

However, why was it so difficult for me to let go of the past? Why couldn't I just move on? Why was I still grieving? Why did my heart have to insist on continuing with its never-ending pinning for Heero?

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(TROWA's POV)

It had barely been a month since I had arrived at Quatre's luxurious home on L4, but already I knew that I had made a mistake by accepting Quatre's offer of love. It was terribly unfair for him to be with someone who could never love him the way he deserved. And, so I knew that I had to leave... I had to leave this secure shelter of Quatre and be on my own again...

I did not want to be alone again, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. Yes, in the short-term, he would probably be hurt by my choice, but it was for the best... And one day... one fine day, he would wake up and thank me for making this choice...

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(QUATRE's POV)

Many a times, others had insisted that I had some kind of empathic abilities that had allowed me to read people's emotions accurately. But, I had never thought that it was true... up till that very moment...

When I had entered the bedroom that I was sharing with Trowa, the very first thing that I had saw was a stoic Trowa sitting by the window staring out blindly into space... and right at that moment, before he had even said a single word, I had already knew that I had lost him...

I walked up to him, and gently put a comforting hand on his shoulder and only then, did he finally notice my presence in the room.

"Quatre, I think that it's time for me to go. I have taken up your kind hospitality for too long," he said. I could hear a minute wavering to his usual monotone. I could see through see through his almost calm façade to the boiling uncertainties below.

And so I helped him on. In my most gentle and soothing voice I replied, "Trowa, it's alright. I won't say that it doesn't hurt, because it does. Very much so. But, I do understand and respect your choice, for I know that you must have already contemplated it deeply and thoroughly."

"I'm truly sorry."

"I know, but you needn't be, you had not done anything wrong. It was my choice to have you here."

"But I..."

"Shhhhhh. Like I've said, it is alright, so don't worry. Everything will turn out fine," I interrupted him, with a sad but genuine smile on my face.

"..." He just stared back mutely at me, for he was at a lost of how to respond in such a situation. Trowa's bleak past had never given him much opportunity to learn how to interact with others, especially on topics that dealt strongly with emotions. He never was as cold a person as others tended to think he was, instead he had always acted so aloof not because he couldn't feel, but because he had feelings that he didn't know how to react to.

Looking at the vulnerability that was slowly leaking through his mask of calmness, I knew that both he and I needed a proper closure, before we could truly let go, so with my arms outstretched towards him, I stated my request, "Trowa, let me have you for one more night. Let me love you for one more time. Let us be together one last time. And after that... we'll set each other free."

He nodded.

On receiving his acceptance, I pulled him towards me and gently tugged him towards our bed... the bed that would bear witness to our final night of passion...

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(TROWA's POV)

Just when I was leaving his place, Quatre had halted me and said, "Trowa, I've always believed that Heero had lied when he claimed that he didn't love and care for you. Even till today, I can still vividly remember how upset he clearly was when he had thought that you had died in the explosion of Vayate. He had gone totally ballistic, and at that time, I had in fact thought that my life would be lost at his revenging hands. I sincerely think that you should go and seek him out. And I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you this earlier. It was selfish of me to wish you for my own, when deep down I knew you would have been happier with Heero. I'm truly sorry and I wish that you and Heero will once again find happiness in each other arms.

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(TROWA's POV)

Months had passed, since the time I had left Quatre. Right after I had left him, I had gone back to the only place that I knew I would be comfortable in... The circus, my home that I had found during the war. I had not forgotten Quatre words, but I didn't dare to believe it. I didn't dare to hope. Hence, I did the only thing I could: I escaped... I forced down my heart-wrenching desire to find Heero and ran away from my emotions, ran away to my hiding place: the circus...

And now, here I was, sitting on the same bed that Heero had once slept in for over a month; the very same bed that we had first made love in... And now, here I was pinning away for a love that was lost; yearning to be once again back within the enclosure of his strong arms... Heero, will you ever be mine again?

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(TROWA's POV)

Barely a year of peace had existed, before we were tossed back mercilessly into war again...

Relena Peacecraft (the present vice foreign minister of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation) was kidnapped at L3 by Mariemaia Khushrenada, daughter of the deceased Trieze Khushrenada, and granddaughter of the cunning and overly-ambitious Dekim Barton.

And so it had started all over again...

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(HEERO's POV)

I had to save Relena... I had to stop Mariemaia... I had to stop the war...

With these thoughts in mind, I stumbled my way towards Mariemaia (the child-perpetrator of this new war). I pulled out my pistol and attempted to shoot her down, but my gun was empty.

I felt so wearied... so tired... and I knew that my time was finally up...

I was finally free... I no longer would be required to kill anyone anymore...

And so, I gave in to the beckoning lure of the darkness...

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(HEERO's POV)

I woke up in a daze... It appeared that I had miraculously escaped the clutches of death one more time.

I shook my head slightly, trying to rid myself off the hazy disorientation that I felt, and then I slowly sat up and studied my surroundings.

The place looked way to familiar. It was a place that I knew by heart; it was the place that I had the most beautiful dreams on...

Once again, I found myself waking up in Trowa's bed in his trailer of the circus.

At that very moment, the door swung opened...and in walked the wingless angel of my heart... and once again I found myself drowned by his glorious beauty...

"Heero," he greeted in his soft-spoken manner.

"Trowa," I answered as I stared deeply into his mesmerizing emerald orbs.

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(TROWA's POV)

Once again, I almost lost him to sweet death...

And with his recklessness, I was pretty sure that somewhere in the future, death would came courting him again... and just the thought of that was enough to rip my heart into shreds...

With a sudden strong need to reassure myself that he was truly alive, I bended down and kissed him on his lips; his deliciously warm lips...

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(HEERO's POV)

When I first felt his tender lips brushing against my cracked ones, I was stunned for a moment, but when I felt his lovely soft lips leaving mine, I quickly reacted. I leaned forth, pulled him in my arms and kissed him soundly.

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(TROWA's POV)

After we had finally broken apart for much needed air, Heero had looked me straight in my eyes and asked, "Why?"

"I had left Quatre."

"You have?" I noticed a glimpse of hope in his eyes.

I nodded.

"Why?" He questioned.

"He is not the one that my heart truly wanted."

"Who is?"

In a quiet voice, I whispered, "You."

"Me too," was the only words he had said before he pulled me into bed.

And no more words were said that night, for words were not at all necessary to express our emotions. Instead, both of us had much rather used our actions to express what words alone could not.

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(HEERO's POV)

It seemed like things had finally returned a full circle... and once again, we are together ... and so like ivy and wall, we would stand together and we would face our fall together...

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Faraway in L4, Quatre stared off into the night sky, and silently prayed that his love would be reunited with the one he loved...

And right when he had finished his prayer, a shooting star appeared, and he knew that his wish was granted and he realized that heaven too had been touched by the deep love shared between Heero and Trowa and had given its silent blessing...

The End.

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I hope that you have enjoyed reading this version.


	4. Part 3, Version 2: Anguish

Here's the second and most depressing version of the final part of my trilogy.

(Please do not read this version, if you hate reading major angsty death-fic).

STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED: I do not own any of the GW characters or mobile suits.

WARNINGS: Yaoi, Angst, Deaths. 

PAIRINGS: 43 and 13

I'll like to warn you all, that most probably this fic, don't make that much sense, as at the time when I wrote this version (long ago), I was under pretty heavy flu medication, so well I was really "lost" mentally at that time.

Unlike the first two parts, this part does not follow the actual GW anime timeline. I begged to be pardon for my inconsistency. Sorry.

ANGUISH (the second of the alternative sequel to 'Sorrow') **

* * *

****--PART 1--**

HEERO 

Seeing Quatre and Trowa cuddling, touching or kissing each other, always caused my heart to shatter into millions of pieces...

It hurt so much... so much... but this was the best path for Trowa...

I loved him too deeply to allow him to suffer by my side. He deserved someone better, someone like Quatre.

"Hey, Heero! Oh Heero!"

A voice penetrated my thoughts... I looked up and saw Duo hanging at my doorway.

"What?" I asked coldly.

"Quatre called for an emergency meeting at his room, now!" the violet-eyed pilot replied in his usual joyful manner. Sometimes, it really puzzled me as to how Duo managed to remain so happy with all those matters we were facing...

------------------------

QUATRE 

"I've just received a mission message from the doctors, assigned to Heero and Trowa," I reported.

"Hey, Quatre! You're not worried that Heero will snatch your lover, on their date, huh?" Duo, the clown of the group, teased.

"Duo, it's not a date," I laughed as I answered the long-haired pilot, "It's a mission."

"Really?" Duo asked teasingly.

"Duo! Stop interrupting Quatre!" Wufei, the workaholic among us, snapped.

"Well... this mission is rather simple in comparison to all our recent missions. But it is very important," I paused to check that everyone was listening, before I continued, "Heero and Trowa are assigned to destroy the moon base totally, as it will be one of the main suppliers for the final battle. Everything clear?"

"Mission acknowledged," Heero replied.

"..." Trowa as usual, just nodded.

------------------------

HEERO 

"Mission accomplished," I said calmly, "All enemies destroyed."

Trowa just nodded. Since our fight sometime ago, Trowa never talked to me any time more than necessary. I could not and would not blame him. What right did I have to blame him? After all, it was my words that had hurt him.

As we were about to leave, a man suddenly appeared from nowhere behind Trowa, and fired his gun at him...

Without any hesitation, I pushed Trowa out of the way...

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TROWA 

I was shocked beyond words, to see Heero's body slumping onto the ground at my feet...

I quickly reacted by gunning down that gunman and then, I kneeled down, beside Heero, and scooped him into my arms.

"Heero!! Heero!!!" I called out, as I shook his body gently...

------------------------

HEERO 

I heard the voice of the only person that I truly loved, calling out to me...

With much effort, I forced my eyes to open.

"Trowa..." I acknowledged in a feeble voice.

His eyes were filled with concern, and he was sobbing... sobbing? For me?

I strenuously reached my hand up to wipe off his tears.

"Trowa... I... I ... needed to... to tell you... something..."

"Shhhhhh, don't talk now. Save your energy."

"No... I must... or... or else I'll never ... have a chance again..."

"No! Don't say that. You'll get well. You will!"

His voice was agitated, so unlike Trowa...

It hurt me so... just seeing him feeling sad for me... it really hurt me... I did not want this; I want him to be happy.

"Heero, please..." Trowa was literally begging me...

But, I shook my head. The body was mine, and so I most definitely would understand it better than anybody else.

"Trowa... I know... it's better... if I...I don't say this... but... but... I... I'm selfish... and I want you to... know how I feel..." I gasped out my words, "I...I love you..."

On hearing this words, Trowa started crying again, "Heero, I... I love you too, always."

"Please... please kiss me..."

Trowa pressed his lips against mine, as my eyes slide shut...

I could feel my life force slowly disappearing... vanishing into the darkness...

------------------------

TROWA 

I felt Heero's body leaned back lamely in my arms... I knew he was gone... gone forever...

I sat there unmoving in the same spot for what seemed like hours, cradling Heero's body in my arm, sobbing.

I knew that it was of no use to cry... no matter how much tears I shed, Heero will never come back to life... but I just could not seem to stop myself. Tears continued to flow like a stream after a heavy storm...

For once in my entire life, I was totally at lost... I could not seem to control myself at all...

I tried really hard to get a grip of myself, to put back on my mask of no expression...

It was only after a long while, before I slowly started to calm down...

But, I still could not leave, not with all the tear stains on my face...

No! I must not allow anyone to see me crying...

After all I was a soldier, and soldier should not cry. It was just not right!

It was only until all my tears dry up, did I stand up and carry the lame body of the one I truly loved away from this nightmarish place...

* * *

**--PART 2--**

TROWA 

I was the one who should have died... not Heero...

I sat down, with my back against the wall, hugging my knees and cried... it had been so long since I last cried...

I didn't want to cry... but the more I tried to control myself, the more my tears escaped my eyes.

I should not be alive... I... I should just end my life... but... but Heero had sacrificed his life for me, I... I... would be wasting his life if I were to suicide... yet... yet...

Heero must be so lonely... being alone... I must find him, in after life...

I felt so confused. Never in my whole life had I felt so lost, not even when I had lost my memory was I this lost...

Suddenly, I felt so frustrated with my life. I felt sick of this surrounding... I wanted to escape... I wanted to die...

Calming myself down, I stood up, and walked over to the table to write... I needed to explain my situation and decision to Quatre. This was the least I could do... I owed him too much...

------------------------

QUATRE 

I headed towards Trowa's bedroom, to find Trowa, so as to inform him regarding some changes made to our battle plans.

On reaching his room, I knocked at the door. Silence...

Strange, Trowa had to be in his room... after all, ever since the death of Heero, Trowa never left his room, unless there was a mission...

I knocked once more before finally deciding to try and push open the door myself.

The door was unlocked... and the lights were on... and lying on the middle of the room's floor... was Trowa in a pool of blood... On the floor beside him, was a gun...

He...he had shot himself? But why?! Why?!!

The sight appalled me so much, that moments passed before I could react...

"Trowa!!!" I screamed, as I rushed forth towards him...

I checked for his breathing... but found none... he was died...

I looked him over, and spotted a paper clenched tightly in his hand.

With trembling fingers, I took out the paper from Trowa's hand, unrolled and read it...

_Dear Quatre,_

_I'm a coward. I don't dare to tell you this in words, so this was the only way I can think of to tell you. _

_You must think that it's very silly of me to kill myself, but I really can't think of any other way to repay Heero's kindness. I have nothing to give, except my life._

_He sacrificed himself for me. No one had ever done something like this before; I'm nobody of any importance. I really don't know what to do, or how to react._

_You can call me a coward for trying to escape from reality. But, I really can't comprehend such feelings. Since young, I've learned that I have to protect myself, by closing up, by locking out all my feelings._

_I don't know how to react to love and neither did Heero. I guess this is why we can't be together._

_But now, with his death, I've understood that I do really love him and without him, there is no life for me._

_Quatre, I really thank you for all the things you've done for me. Thank you, for being such a true friend._

_I really do not deserve your kindness and love. I'm just a worthless being. I'm sure you can find someone much better than me. I'm very sorry. _

_Goodbye, Quatre._

_Trowa_

Tears clouded my vision...

------------------------

DUO 

I paced around, mumbling, "I'm sure they've received my message by now. I've told them to meet us here before the battle begins. So, where in the world are they?"

"Wufei, has Trowa or Quatre contacted you?" I questioned the Chinese pilot.

"Nope." He replied in his usual calm manner, but there was a quizzical look on his face, that prompted me on.

"It's at the very verge of the final battle, and they've both disappeared," I answered. My voice was clearly tainted with anxiety.

"What's the matter, Maxwell? You sounded pretty disturbed," uttered Wufei as he eyes bored through me.

"I don't know... it's just... it's just... I've got a really bad feeling about this," I answered, sending across my nervousness along with my words, "its so unlike them to be this late."

"Yes. I do understand your worries. After all, even a perfect soldier, like Heero, can die," Wufei said quietly. His tone expressed the sorrow he too had felt, with the death of our fellow comrade. No! More than that... Much more. We were like a family...

------------------------

QUATRE 

"I... I'm really... sorry Trowa... sorry..." I said aloud, my voice echoing through the empty room, "Please forgive me, Trowa."

I knew that Trowa was dead and that I would never ever get to hear his reply... but... but I was still hoping, praying that his spirit, his soul would be around still and would forgive me for my mistakes.

I had never meant to separate Heero and Trowa, I would never have wished for any of my friends to feel miserable. I never knew that they were ever together.

I really don't mean to tear them apart. But... but still... I did... And now they are both gone...

My tears poured down onto the lifeless body that I was holding...

I stayed in the position for quite a long while, before I regained some of my composure. Then, I carried Trowa's body into his bedroom and carefully laid him down onto the bed. I sat down beside him, my hands holding on to his, as I studied him...

Trowa looked so beautiful this way... so fragile... so peaceful...

I knew I had no right to do this... I was not the one Trowa loved, but still I bended down and planted a kiss gently on his cold lips. Trowa...

I straightened up, and gaze down at him... my love, then, now and forever...

Even though now, I knew that I would never win his heart, and that the one he truly loved was and would only be Heero, but still... I would still continue to love him and only him. Always.

"Goodbye, Trowa, I don't mean to leave you here, alone, but the battle called out for me," I spoke audibly facing Trowa... as if... as if he was still alive... but to me, he really was... and would always be, for he would always be alive in my heart...

It was definitely not within my wish and desire, to leave his body lying here... alone... he deserved something better... he deserved a proper burial, but... but I had to return to war, now. Please wait, Trowa. I promise you that straight after the war, I'll come back and lay you for your final rest beside your true love, Heero.

I stood up reluctantly and walked briskly out of the room, not daring to turn back... I could not turn back now; I knew that just by taking another look at Trowa was enough to kill me...

For now, the thing I really wish for was death... to die with the one I loved... but I could not die... not now at least, not with the war still on. I was needed to help stop the war, to stop the continuing bloodshed. I knew that this was the path that Trowa too, would want me to choose.

Furthermore, I still have my promise to Trowa that I have to fulfil. So, not until after I've lay him down in a grave beside that of Heero, before I can take my own life too... Yes, by his grave... by the grave of Trowa, I'll face my end...

Goodbye, my love, goodbye.

I will join you someday soon... in heaven or in hell, I will go wherever you go...

Goodbye, Trowa... Goodbye for now...

* * *

**--PART 3--**

QUATRE 

Unending streams of group after group of mobile dolls... one after another...

When would this ever stop?

It was not within any human ability to continue fighting for hours without feeling exhausted and getting hurt. Our opponents were but remote control mobile dolls. They, unlike us, would not feel drained...

"Trowa, pass me your strength," I whispered. Calling out to the love of my heart...Trowa...

I could feel crystal droplets, slowly making their way down my cheeks... for within my heart, I knew that we were doomed to fail...

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WUFEI 

Most of the functions of my Nataku was no longer in working condition, and by looking at the movements of my comrades' gundams, I could easily conclude that their gundams too were suffering from the same fate as mine...

------------------------

DUO 

Blood... endless flow of blood...

I was soaked in blood...

I was hurt but.... but I had to continue to attack... had to...

I was weakening and was starting to lose control of my 'partner', Deathscythe Hell.

"Shimigami to hell we'll go together," I said out loud, with a bitter smile etched on my face.

------------------------

WUFEI 

We were losing...

This was an impossible battle, which we were destined to lose even from the very start. We all knew that, all three of us.

Yet, we still fought on... we had to, because we were Earth's only hope...

If we lost this fate deciding battle, the White Fang would destroy Earth... We had to stop them, no matter how impossible this was, we had to try... at least try...

We needed to try and find the justice that was buried within each and everyone of our hearts. We had to follow what we believed in. We had to, as there was no other way out...

I shut my eyes in despair... memories of my deceased, head-strong wife flooding over me...

Meiran... this will most probably be my last and final battle... I will join you soon...

Wait for me, Meiran... please wait for me. Wait for me, up there, in the vast heavenly sky...

------------------------

QUATRE 

I could feel my energy slowing draining... draining away...

I felt so tired... so very tired. Fatigue had finally gotten hold of me. All I wanted now was to rest...

I glanced out of the window of Sandrock, watching the endless stretch of space... and smiled wistfully, knowing that I would never ever get another chance to see my family again...

I closed my eyes, fully resolved to let go... to give in to the weariness I felt...

It was odd, but I actually felt genuinely relieved, when the huge ball of glowing red-flames blasted towards me...

------------------------

DUO 

All of the sudden, time seemed to slow down its pace, creeping slowly by... as the horror of witnessing the explosion of Sandrock, the gundam of my ever-caring friend, the angel amidst us, unfolded slowly before my very own eyes...

For once in my entire life, I, the ever-talkative Duo, was actually suffered from a loss of words...

Moments past before I finally found my voice again.

"Quatre?!!!"

My shout thundered across the battlefield, bringing with it all the biting pains and worries of my heart.

But in return, I received only silence... total silence.

Never again would there be a reply...

Never again would anyone be fortunate enough to hear the sweet voice of the golden-haired angel...

Goodbye Quatre, farewell to you, the angel of mankind. Goodbye...

-- THE END --

Special thanks to Neesan Tracy (hugs) and Neesan Uni (hugs) for the C&C.

Thanks for stopping by to read my work.


	5. Part 3, Version 3: Woe

And finally for the final (and longest) version...

STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED: I do not own Gundam Wing.

**Title: Woe (the third version of the sequel to "Sorrow")**

Date written: 12112004 (Friday)

Language: British English

Warnings: 4/3(implied), 1/3, 4x1x3, yaoi, angst.

(I'm sorry, if there are grammatical or spelling errors. I try editing through it, but its really late, and I'm feeling sleepy so I may have miss out on some mistakes. ZZZZZZZZZ.)

**

* * *

**

**TROWA's POV**

Right after the Eve wars had ended, Heero had disappeared. He had vanished completely without leaving a word or a trace. He has disappeared entirely from my sight, and with him a large chunk of my soul has gone missing too...

But, his presence in my heart would not dissolve away. He has left his personal mark, an imprint in my heart that could not ever be removed. And I did try... I really did... Yet, it still remains...

It is not that I don't love Quatre, for I do. Most definitely. And I have been very happy to be with him, and have him as my lover. However, I am in love with Heero too, and I do so want to have him with me too. But, I know that this dream of my would never be possible, especially since Heero does not even love me...

Moreover, I do know that it is wrong for me to be in love with two different people, but I have no control over these emotions that had welled up from my heart and overflow into my soul. And the only possible way for me to ever rid my heart off these feelings, is to stop my heart from ever beating again...

"Trowa?" I heard a voice penetrated through the haze of my mind, pulling me out from my self-induced stupor, and I looked up and saw Wufei. He was the only other ex-Gundam pilot (besides me) that was currently on shift at the Preventers' headquarters.

I tilted my head slightly so as to shake off my long bangs that were blocking up too much of my vision, and with my single visible eye, I glanced up at him and questioned in my usual monotone, "Is there a problem?"

"Yes," He nodded, and then added in the highly composed manner of his, "You've a mission."

Without a word, I eyed him, waiting for him to continue with the details.

And sure enough he did. He handed me a pile of documents about the mission, and said, "Trowa, you are assigned to check out on a group of space pirates that are stationed at the asteroid belt near L1.They are suspected of hoarding and smuggling lethal weapons of mass destruction. And you've to infiltrate their base secretly to confirm whether this rumour is true. No other actions are required as of yet."

I gave a slight nod as response, and then stood up and picked up my Preventers' jacket and some potentially useful equipment that were scattered haphazardly across the face of my wooden desk.

Just as I was about to leave the room, Wufei halted me and said in a quiet voice, "Good luck, Trowa. Don't take unnecessarily risk." I was surprised, for Wufei is not usually one for unnecessary speech, and yet here he was in front of me wishing me luck for a mission. I looked him straight in his eyes, and graced him with one of my rare smiles, and nodded, wordlessly thanking him for his kind concern. In return, I got back a small but genuine smile from him, and the wise and somewhat prophetical advice, "Be careful and don't be seen. This group of space pirates are renowned for their monstrous ruthlessness. This is purely a surveillance mission. Just go in and check out the situation, but don't try attacking on your own."

----------

**HEERO'S POV**

As per normal, I was currently hacking into the Preventers' system and retrieving information on Trowa's present situation and whereabouts. Many a times, I had secretly trailed him on his mission, and without him knowing, I had privately assisted him with them. He is my love and he will always be the only one I love, so even though I could not be with him, I would most certainly continue to protect him and to aid him on, behind his back.

I could feel my anger rising as I read his latest mission order. How could Une sent Trowa on such a hazardous mission on his own? Yes, it is true that it is only a surveillance mission, and yes, Trowa is extremely good, but still...What in the world, was that woman thinking?

I need to get to Trowa now... Trowa has always cared too little for his own well-being; pricing his own life much cheaper than others...

And on such an unsafe mission, it is best that he will have someone to watch his back.

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**TROWA's POV**

With an automatic pistol firmly held within the palm of my hand, I stealthy made my way through the maze-like corridors of this extremely huge space station (the home base for this group of callous space pirates).

As I snooped around from room to room in prying for any signs of them illegally hoarding artillery, I discovered that I had incidentally made my way to the central control station. As it was deep into the night, the security was rather lax, and currently, there were only two pirates guarding the room. On seeing this, I sneaked into the room silently, and crept into the dark corner that was flanked by the wall and a large filing cabinet and couched down. I took out a silencer and fitted it to the end of the barrel of my gun. Then, I took my aim and in speedy succession shot at the two guards, and thus before they even realised that I was there, they were already lying dead on the cold hard floor of the room.

However, as it is always vital to make sure that the enemies that you have attempted to kill are absolutely dead, so with my piston still in hand, I slowly walked out from my concealed corner and bended down besides the still warmed but inanimate bodies of the pirates, and checked for their pulse. And yes, indeed they were truly gone.

I looked around the room that was clustered with computers, and I knew that these were my best and most reliable chance of finding anything. Nevertheless, hacking through an enemy system always involved great risk, as it is usually the easiest way to trigger off the alarms, and although I was pretty good at hacking, but still I am definitely not of Heero's standard. It is Heero who is the computer specialist among the Gundam pilots, not me. At that very moment, Wufei's earlier warning against reckless behaviours coursed through my mind, and I felt a sudden sense of foreboding uneasiness washed over me. However, being the foolhardy heroes that we (the Gundam pilots) generally are, we always end up choosing to thread the path of danger in the name of greater good. Likewise, this was once again the path that I chose. With this final stray thought in mind, I start making my attempt to hack through their system...

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**HEERO'S POV**

I scouted through the space station looking for a room with a computer, so that I could get a chance to hack into their system and download a blueprint.

Finally, I found myself in the central control station, a room that was surrounded with computers and had two corpses lying on its floor.

At the sight, my heart beat with excitement... Trowa had been here...

I hastily sat down at the main computer, and booted up its system. Once the program was running, my hands started their rapid flight across the keyboards, hacking through the system and getting it to spill all the information that I have required: the blueprint of this place, and all the meagre signs of Trowa's presence that had been caught on the surveillance cameras.

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**TROWA's POV**

As I was swiftly making my way through the dark and narrow corridors of this labyrinth searching in vain for an exit, a small group of pirates has manifested right in front of me, impeding me from making my escape. Nevertheless, I could not just give up, somehow I have to find a way to escape and return to the Preventers' headquarters to report my findings, as to much is as stake. These space pirates have been collecting highly destructive weapons for months, and the only reason that I had not find any signs of artillery here was because, this was only their secondary base and not their main one (as we had previously thought). Moreover, these pirates were not just collecting weapons for sales, but instead they were in preparation to start a full-fledged war on the world.

Even though I was greatly outnumbered, with my pistol ready in hand, I hold a firm stance and ready myself for the brutal fight ahead.

When the men made their move, I quickly did a flip over their heads, landed on my feet behind their backs, and start opening rapid fire at them. And one by one, in sweeping sequence, they dropped dead at my feet. However, I too was not spared and by the time the fight had ended, two of the pirates had managed to get their shots at me, drenching my clothes in my blood and theirs...

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**HEERO'S POV**

As I stealthy moved through the winding corridors of this rotten place, I came upon one narrow pathway, with a pile of dead pirates and a trail of blood... Trowa's blood...

At the sight of blood, my heart started pounding quickly. I was highly worried and gravely anxious to find Trowa. My love who is hurt...

After I have made sure that Trowa was safe and well, I would come back here to seek my vengeance and I am most positive that I would want to blast this damned place into countless pieces of tiny shreds...

But, first and foremost, I must find Trowa...

----------

**TROWA's POV**

It has been quite a while since my unfortunate meeting with the group of pirates, but till now I still could not find my way out of this perplexing space station. And with each passing moment, and the increasing blood lost, I was feeling more and more disoriented, thus increasingly hindering my chance of escaping out of this place alive.

Suddenly, I heard the growing sounds of incessantly nearing footsteps...

I glanced around, and saw another group of pirates heading my way. And in my weary state, I knew that I was trapped...

"Hey blokes, look what we have here?" sneered the stout and bulky pirate that was leading the group.

A tall and lanky man with dirty-blond hair, peered over his right shoulder and mockingly remarked, "Ahh... a fine-looking lad, but a really naughty one. Well Jake, don't you think we should take him with us, and give him a good spanking?" At his words, the four other pirates started to sniggered.

"Most definitely," a dark-haired pirate taunted, "I do wonder whether he will taste as good as he look."

"So what are we waiting for, let's get him," commented a fourth.

"Yes, let's," chorused the fifth as he reached forth to grab at my collar, "It's been too long since we were last gifted with such a gorgeous young thing." With that, he pulled me towards him and forcibly planted a rough and revolting kiss on my mouth.

As his questing tongue attempted to part my lips and enter my mouth, I gathered all the strength that I have left in me, punched him on his jaw and forcefully broke free from his abhorring clutches and flung myself away from him towards the wall. As long as I have a single drop of life left in me, I would continue to fight on. I would never ever willingly surrender to the disgustingly nauseating wishes of these depraved men.

"Well, looks like he likes it rough," said the fifth pirate with the now bloody jaw and a malicious glint in his eyes, "I guess we would have to tame him first."

"Yes, I so agree," said the burly Jake scornfully, and then he headed straight towards me and threw a potent punch in my direction. I tried to move out of his way, but as I was in sheer exhaustion, all I could do was staggered a bare few steps to the side. And when the hard blow struck me, I swayed on my feet for a bit, before crumpling limply to the floor.

And straight after that, the rest of the group joined him in attacking me viciously. I was being ceaselessly kicked at and roughly thrown about... I closed my eyes, patiently waiting for the moment when my life would be gone, and I would be free from this seemingly endless torment. I just hope that I would be dead before they had the chance to debauch my body...

Just as abruptly as it started, my torture stopped...

Then, before I knew it, I found myself being cradled within a pair of strong arms. And with this realisation, I panicked, thinking that the men had finally decided to move on to the dreadfully detested next stage of their cruel torture... Weakly, I tried to struggle out from the arms, but I was held back firmly in place.

"It's me, Trowa, please calm down, and do stop moving so much or you will hurt yourself more," I heard a familiar and much missed voice pierced its way through the thick fog of my confused mind. But... but how could that be? How could he possible be here?

I forcibly open my blood-sealed eyes... and saw him, my dark angel peering down at me with an obvious look of concern etched on his beautiful face...

----------

**HEERO'S POV**

On seeing his beautiful emerald orbs staring back at me, I could not help but graced him with a smile. My most beautiful one... My heart...

"Heero..." he feebly murmured.

"Hush now, Trowa. You need to rest."

"Heero, please... let me continue... I... I need to say this... It's... very important... for me..."

"Hush, Trowa. You can tell me later when you're well."

"No... No, you... you'll be gone..."

"Hush, it's alright. I promise that I'll stay till you are well."

"And after? Will... will you... stay on... after?"

"Trowa, I..."

"Please Heero... I... I love you... I love you so much... Heero. It hurts... so badly when... when you aren't around... Please."

"But Quatre?"

"I... I love him too. I... I know that it's... greedy of me to want both of you... but... but I love you both... a lot... I don't know what to do...

"Trowa..."

"I try to stop loving... to stop loving you... but I can't. Believe me... I really did try... I'm sorry Heero, I know... I know that you... don't love me, but..." Trowa looked away as he said this.

I reached forth and gently hold his chin in my hand, and titled his face to face mine. And then, I saw that tears were leaking through the lovely long lashes of his eyes...

I lifted my hand to his face, and tenderly wiped them off, and said in a soft and soothing tone, "No, Trowa. I do love you too. You're my heart."

"But why..."

"But why did I say those mean things to you and push you away?"

Holding my gaze, he nodded. Wanting to know the truth; needing to know the truth.

"Because I love you. Because I want what's best for you. I'm sorry that I had hurt you in the process. I promise I'll stick around this time, and I'll not leave you till we've sort things out."

And in reply, he gave me a sweet and lovely smile, before losing his battle against usconsciousnous.

----------

**QUATRE'S POV**

On receiving the news of Trowa's hospitalisation in L1, I immediately set aside all the stuff that I was working on and head off on the journey to his side....

----------

**HEERO'S POV**

I was sitting on a chair, placed at the side of Trowa's hospital bed, with my hand wrapped around his. Trowa looked so innocent in his rest, delicate and innocent. And, so very beautiful...

As I moved my other hand up to stroke his lovely hair, the door opened. I looked up from Trowa's face and saw Quatre...

"Quatre," I greeted.

"Heero," he replied in his usual friendly tone (with just a bare hint of sadness), "It has been a long time since I last saw you. How have you been? Good?"

"Hn," was all I gave as reply.

I eyed him, as he shifted a chair to the other side of Trowa's bed and sat down, all the time grazing tenderly at the beautiful and fragile one lying on the bed.

"Quatre..."

On hearing his name, he finally tore his eyes away from the face of our beautiful angel and looked at me.

"Heero, what is it?"

"Trowa..."

"Trowa had said that he love you, didn't he? And you had finally admitted your feelings too."

"I..."

"I know. You don't have to be sorry. It is I who should apologise, after all, you will with him first," he said with a slightly bitter smile, "I'm truly sorry. But at that time, when Trowa and I first got together, I didn't know about your relationship with him, and he... and he of course couldn't remember... because of me..."

"He loves you too."

"I know. But, he also loves you. And ... and he wants to be with both of us doesn't he?"

I nodded.

"Maybe... Maybe... we should grant him what he yearns for..."

"What do you mean, Quatre?"

"We can be in a threesome."

"But, I don't love you..."

"I know. I don't love you too. But, for Trowa's sake, we have to at least try. Besides, you're indeed very attractive and you're a friend... and so maybe... maybe someday I may truly fall for you. But not now, not at the moment. Now, the only love I feel for you is that of a friend. But, still we can always pretend."

"Hn. For Trowa sake. Mission acknowledged."

On hearing the familiar wartime pet phrase of mine, he laughed. And yes, I have to admit that he too was attractive...

At that very moment, Trowa woke up. He blearily looked at us through his bangs, cutely yawned and then most sweetly smiled.

"Heero, Quatre, it's good to have both of you with me," he softly whispered in his still frail voice.

"We'll both be with you, Trowa. Just as the way you have wanted it," Quatre said gently, as he tenderly stroked Trowa's cheek.

At the sight, I could feel a painful stroke of jealously running through my veins, but I forcefully curbed down this unpleasant feeling. I have better get use to this idea of sharing Trowa soon...

"Really?" Trowa asked in a somewhat apprehensive manner.

"Hn." I answered with a nod.

"Yes," chorused Quatre.

With these two short words, the smile on our beautiful angel's face widens. And we could both sense the strong waves of contentment, relief and gratitude washing through Trowa. And for now, that was enough...

----------

**QUATRE'S POV**

For Trowa, both Heero and I will pretend. We will pretend that we are attracted to each other, so that we can both be with him... so that at least both of us can have a part of Trowa's heart; of Trowa's love...

Furthermore, even if our souls will be forced to remain in constant jealously and everlasting misery, at least by being together as a trio, we can make Trowa happy... we can grant him what he truly wishes for...

Heero and I will split and share this pain together; this pain of not being able to have the love of our heart fully as one's own... but having to share him...

For Trowa, we will pretend and smile. I will wear my mask of cheerfulness and Heero will wear the mask of stoic calmness that was his...

And maybe someday, my love for Trowa will finally spill over to include Heero, and I'll then be able to really love Heero too... Maybe...

But for now, all I can do is pray...

The End.

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Well, thanks you very much for following this little series of mine.

(laugh) Well, I hope that you've enjoyed reading the final part(s).

So which is your most prefer ending (If you has read all three)?

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Ice-Ari: And now, for the final moment of senselessness... and absolute OOCness.

Trowa: Good riddance that this fic has finally ended (points to Ice-Ari) do you hate me so much? Why do you always have to torture me so?

Ice-Ari: Well, that's because you are my favourite g-boy, so of course you will get the most personal attention. Mwahahaha!!!

Trowa: No!!!!! Hee-bear where are you? My love, please come and save me... this woman is crazy...

Heero (appears with light-sabre in hand and protectively stands in front of his one-eyed love): No one is allowed to hurt my Trowa. I'll kill you, stupid woman!

Ice-Ari: Now, now, Heero-dearie, if you don't be good, I'll stop writing 1x3 and give Trowa to Quatre instead.

Heero (kneels down and begs): NOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Tro-chan is all mine....

A zero-system crazed Quatre (appears and whacked Heero on the head): No way!! He is mine. All mine, and I'm not sharing. (glares at author) Why in the world would I ever share my Tro-baby with him?!! (sneers at Heero).

Heero (also turned zero-system crazed): Q-man, You will DIE!!! And I do mean DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Trowa (with a big smile): Yay!! I've the totally gorgeous Perfect Soldier and the extremely wealthy Desert Prince fighting over me. I feel so loved!!!

Ice-Ari: (backs away slowly) Errr..... (ran off from this maniacal trio and head off to look for someone else to torture).

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End file.
